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Schenker-Pattinson Summit: The endless jam continues
13/09/10 || InquisitorGeneralis
Michael Schenker once said that he was glad he said “no” to Ozzy Osbourne’s offer to join his band after the death of Randy Rhodes. This alone should tell you that the man is a moron. Or, you could just listen to any MSG records and arrive at the same conclusion. Wow are they awful. I am not a huge UFO fan either. Fuck ‘em all. Still don’t know who I am talking about? Here ya go…
Look at me! I’m so bad ass I have two guitars! Do I even need to rip on that outfit? I did not know that alien space-cowboys looked so much like rejects from German Village People cover bands.
In 2004 Schenker decided it would be a good idea to make a band of old, washed-up dinosaurs and record covers of classic rock tunes. So was born the Schenker-Pattinson Summit, a motley collection of nobodies who on “The Endless Jam Continues” manage to shit all over eleven classic tunes and woefully offend many rock icons, both living and dead. These old windbags seriously sound like a cover-band at the local Motel 6 bar. Even this cover band full of douchebags is better.
“The Endless Ass-Jamming Continues” starts off with Bad Company’s “Rock steady”. I would like someone to hold these guys steady while I throw several large rocks at them. Wait till you hear what they do to “Layla”. I think that Eric Clapton and Paul Rogers should perform a satanic incantation and resurrect Dwayne Allman as a zombie and sick his peach-eating ass on Schenker and company. Why do old fucks feel the need to rerecord other old fucks’ material as if anyone gives a flying fuck? Can someone tell me why the Scorps are calling it quits and Mike Shitter is allowed to keep on producing more material?
“Wang dang doodle”? Really? The Schenker Pattinson Summit can suck the biggest, blackest, vieniest wang dang doodle in the New York Knicks locker-room for all I care. “I don’t need no doctor” desecrates the memory of Ray Charles and pisses me the fuck off because Ray Charles was a badass, drug-abusing, affair-having, piano-playing motherfucker who made the “Blues Brothers” movie for me. No Michael Schenker, you and the rest of the retirement home need a doctor: Dr. Jack Kevorkian.
Ok, so MSGstring does a decent job on “While my guitar gently weeps” which is one of a few songs I actually like by the Shitty Beatles. While Satan took George before Paul and Ringo I will never know. The Dark Lord works in mysterious ways. He’s answered my prayers though, 50% of The Beatles are dead. “Dear Mr. fantasy” was a great song when Steve Winwood sang it. It’s a piece of shit with Davey Boy Pattison singing it. It really makes me angry to hear songs I’ve loved since I was a kid being half-assed covered. They really must have it in for Eric Clapton because The Summit takes a collective shit on another classic tune he was connected with, Cream’s “Badge”. Clapton’s dick has more talent then Schenker and this entire geriatric ward put together.
The Jammers on here include former members of irrelevant, forgotten acts like Vanilla Fudge, Cactus, and even Jefferson Starship. How the fuck did the drummer who played with Jefferson Fucking Starship get past the application process for this gig? He also played in Whitesnake. Wow. Just in case you forgot how much Jefferson Starship fucking sucks here is a little reminder. Oh, and check this out…
I would not let any of these assclowns clean my fucking toilets, let alone play on a tribute album with me…even if it was a tribute record to Avant-Garde Lithuanian Emo Power-Grind. Did you see Grace Slick in that picture? Is that what you look like after twenty years of snorting tons of coke and sucking every cock you can get your shriveled, cracked lips on? She is so awful that even Schenker did not ask her to sing on this piece of shit. Now that is saying something!
Where was I going with this review anyway? Oh, hatred…
Someone should have stopped this madness after the first “Endless jam”. “The Endless Jam Continues” should be ruled a war crime. I am not getting into the rest of the corrupted classics on here because they suck. Go buy the originals and give the people who actually wrote these songs the credit and the cash, not Michael Schenker and his second-rate lounge act. Fuck this CD. Don’t buy it. It sucks so fucking bad I am going to kick my own ass for reviewing it.
- Information
- Released: 2005
- Label: Shrapnel Records
- Website: www.michaelschenkerhimself.com
- Band
- Michael Schenker: guitars
- Davey Pattinson: vocals
- Tim Bogert: bass
- Aynsley Dunbar: drums
- Tracklist
- 01. Rock Steady
- 02. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
- 03. Too Rolling Stoned
- 04. Layla
- 05. I’m Losing You
- 06. The Hunter
- 07. Badge
- 08. I Don’t Need No Doctor
- 09. Dear Mr. Fantasy
- 10. Wang Dang Doodle
- 11. I’d Love to Change the World
